Anywehere, but Here Without You

I don't want to be dealing with this without him on account of that it is his friend who fucked up. I want him to know that his friend did this, instead of me just being the one who knows because being the one who knows is tearing me up inside. I want him to be the one to solve this for me. To tell me that he will never hang out with him after knowing about what happened. I want him to know what I have been dealing with for the last 10.5 months. I want him to share in my sympathy pain. To realize that he can never do anything like this when he goes to college in a few months because I will die if he ever does anything like what his friend did. But it is impossible to tell him because I will be ruining so many friendships and I don't want to hurt him. Therefore, it is me who has to take the burden of knowing all of this and dealing with it. Therefore I cannot like him or see him because it brings up the painful past. I really like him and I wish we could make it work, but it is not healthy for me to like him because of what happened with his friend.