Difficult Time

Lately I have been having a difficult time in my life. I have been trying to get over what happened. But I keep dreaming about it. Like a few nights ago, I had a dream that my sister and I were sitting at a table in a park and I got up to go see if someone was at this park and I see the guy. I run over to my sister and tell her the guy is here and he comes up and tells us what happened to him. My sister tells him that she already knows about it and then he pulls out a gun. I know that he isn't a bad guy, but I just want to create some distance and forget that anything like this ever happened. I think it's kind of hard to forget about someting when you keep dreaming about it. Last week I had another dream that I saw said guy kissing another guy. Even though I have known about this since April of last year, I guess I never reeally got over his friend who still goes to my school. It's hard because he is a really nice guy. And my friend even said to me that he seems like a nice guy. It's kind of like he's a saint and I'm a bitch and let's not forget I wanted to tell him so many times about how is friend fucked up, so I feel extremely guilty that I ever thought about telling him because I know that it would hurt so many people. I ultimately just want to  forget about this whole situation and moveon from my life. I guess it's a little scary to know that the said guy's other friend wound up taking some time off from school for his mental state and it was related to the exact thing that i'm struugling with.
This month I moved on from the guy that I liked because it wasn't healthy for me to be dealing with all of this pain. I also was saying to myself that I was a mean person because the guy that I like and my parents and sister are nice people, but I feel like a BITCH and then I watched some family videos from when I was younger and it proved to me that I hit the jack pot with my parents and then when I was in health class a few days later I was watching a movie on FAS and it made me realize that these kids have really bad parents, but I have wonderful parents, but I still feel Fucking horrible inside and outside. These last few days I have just been hating myself (with the way that I look and how I am on the inside) I guess all of these things combined just contributed to my mental breakdown and eventually I will forget about what happened.