Inspirational

Happy Birthday Liz! Even though we never met, I feel like I know you after reading about your life with Matt. You are and always will be an inspiration to me, how I want to live my married life when I do get married. You were cool when you were here on earth and I'm sure you are still really cool! Keep on being you!
Love stranger friend, Caroline

Time keeps on Slipping...

Dear Allie,

Earlier I was thinking how last year around this time I went back to HS. Even though the year went not how I wanted it to turn out, I'm glad that I gave you a few more morning car rides. Sometimes when riding in the passenger seat of the Acadia I think of you how you would be sitting in the back seat almost like a curious toddler staring out the window looking at all the sights that you could take in. I miss those car rides. Now I know that you got really sick, but a thought just popped into my head maybe the reason why I didn't want to go back was because you were no longer there to drop me off at school.

Love,

Caroline

It's coming

Soon it will be September, then the following month it will be October. I'm not really ready to face the 25th, but I can not stop it from occurring. All I can do is dream about her. It was really nice a few weeks ago I had a dream, it was like it was my old reality. Music, walking, Allie, but Allie was her normal self and for that one night this summer, I got to enjoy another summer walk with her. So, Allie if you somehow play a role when visiting me in my dreams, thank you and I miss those summer evenings with you too!

But it's not just a clicker

It's about making me happy and showing me love why my dad took a chance purchasing me a clicker for our 13 year old van that is on it's last legs. That is why my dad is the best (Mom too!)

Love Always,

Caroline

Another month

Today it has been nine months since you have died.
I still love you and think about you a lot.

Love you always,

Caroline

Family Vacation and thinking about Him

Right now I'm visiting my moms side of the family they live close to Detroit Michigan which is close to Ann Arbor where the last person that I liked goes to school. Let me tell you it kind of fucking sucks when a place that you have been going almost every single year of your entire life is taken over by uncomfortable memories. I'll give him credit though because I know it was not him and that he is actually a really nice person, but the timing of when I met him and the other person was at the exact same minute. They were friends. They are both Chinese. And I had maybe liked them both at the same time for about eleven months. Than the friend might have done something that I was not really thrilled to hear about. My feelings for the friend ended that night and I thought I would be ok going on with my life. I wasn't. Every time I even looked at him I thought about the friend and how I wanted the person that I liked to just give up on that friendship. Problem was he was oblivious to what was going on and it certainly didn't help that he was the nicest guy on the face of the planet and extremely cute. I couldn't handle it. I actually had a dream that my sister and I were in a park both guys were there and the friend shot my sister after telling him that she knew. That was the end of everything. But I guess the problem is that my ex crush and I both are from the same town and we both go to the same places to eat. Is it really too much to ask that I really just want one place where I can get away from thinking about any of this. I'm over all of it. I really don't care if I ever run into him around town or in Ann Arbor, but at the same time I would prefer if I could just enjoy this vacation and not be thinking about him.and plus this is technically my territory as I did discover Ann Arbor like 17 years before him. All I truly want is a place that doesn't remind me of all of this.

Question

What will you do now.
Although my life is going along fairly smoothly, the one year of Allie's death( how did that happen?) is coming up in four months. I know I'm going to start college what not and hopefully in the near future have a job and live by myself, but I have no clue how to keep living without her for the rest of my life.